Greatest Fear
My greatest fear isn’t really something that I can put into words. I fear the unknown. I know that it may sound dumb but it is what I fear. I fear things I have never experienced and know nothing about.
I used to fear my g-tube changes. I didn’t understand the pain that is involved and I was very concerned about it. I now know that the pain is very minimal and that if we were to have a problem, we could easily insert a smaller size tube.
I am still afraid of being intubated even though I have been several times. The reason I’m still afraid is because each time different and is more dangerous for me. I get very nervous every time I am told I have to be intubated. Luckily I don’t have to be intubated very often.
There is song by Billy Gilman that was adapted from a poem by Mattie Stepanek that describes everything I feel. The lyrics are:
One of my greatest fears is It
I can't touch it, but I can feel it
It does not have a taste or smell,
But I can hear it in my spirit.
CHORUS
It is deep inside of me,
It makes me fear my memory
One day I'll live peacefully
Without the fear of It
It is something I can't see
It can never possess me
It always tries to take control,
I can defeat it if I believe it.
CHORUS
It is deep inside of me,
It makes me fear my memory
One day I'll live peacefully
Without the fear of It
It keeps running through my mind,
I have to fight it time and time
And time and time and time
And time again...
CHORUS
It is deep inside of me,
It makes me fear my memory
One day I'll live peacefully
Without the fear of It
The more I understand about it
The less my world revolves around it
Then I can just live out my life
Without the fear of It
My fears are easily quieted by knowing more.
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